Because of Me
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: She's not even supposed to be out in the field; she's five months pregnant. But she knows it will be okay. She's done this a million times. She's fine. The baby will be fine. Just calm down, Castle. Don't worry so much...


**Because of Me**

"Kate you're not supposed to be out in the field, you're five months pregnant."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Castle." She said. "It's only this time because Ryan couldn't make it. Don't worry."

"Don't worry?! You're not even wearing your vest."

"Neither are you." She said with a small laugh. "Calm down Castle, it's just a pick up."

He nodded, even though he was still worried. How could he not be? She was carrying their baby. Hell, he was worried even before she was pregnant but now the worry had intensified.

She smiled a little and shook her head at him. It was...sweet that he worried so much, but it wasn't necessary. She wouldn't have done it if she suspected danger. She had the baby's life to look after too.

They continued to walks down the dark, sticky alley until they made it to the suspect's apartment.

The rest happened so fast.

In the back of her mind she heard Esposito scream "Gun!" And then shots were fired and she was pushed to the ground. Seconds later Castle hit the ground next to her. Before she could even move, two more rounds were fired and the suspect fell dead a few feet away from her.

It was all a blur. Esposito was yelling, car horns blasting, and the chatter of people. She rolled over and saw Castle.

She almost lost it.

There he was, lying next to her with two holes in his chest. Blood poured from the wounds as he shook in pain.

"C-Castle..." She choked out.

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to speak. "Y-you...okay?"

Tears slipped out and she held her hands to his wounds. "I...me and the baby are fine..." She says. Of course, only Castle would ask her if she was okay while he's bleeding out in a dirty alley.

His eyes started to droop as blood seeped through her fingers.

"No!" She yelled. His eyes jerked open. "Castle, you have to stay awake."

"Tired..." He muttered.

"Please, Rick. Please stay awake." She pressed the wounds tightly as tears fell freely onto his chest, mixing with the blood.

"I...I don't think I'm gonna make it..." It hurt to talk. From personal experience and just by looking at him, she knew this.

"Don't...you're going to be fine."

"Make sure Alexis is okay. And...and make sure the new baby knows about me."

She shook her head. "You're going to be fine, Castle."

"Please..."

She hesitated for a moment before nodding. "I promise."

He smiled a little at that. "Love you..."

"I love you too!" It was quick and loud, but she had to, to beat his closing eyes. "Castle wake up."

Nothing.

"Castle, come on...please..."

Still nothing.

"Rick..." She sobbed. Esposito kneeled next to her and took his pulse. She waited a few seconds before looking up at him.

With tears in his brown eyes, he shook his head slowly.

* * *

That night, she laid curled up on their couch. Her knees tucked up as close to her chest as her stomach would allow. She wasn't crying. She couldn't anymore. She cried to much in the ambulance. Too much when the paramedics pronounced him dead. Too much when she came home and scrubbed every last drop of his blood from her body.

She hurt from crying. Her eyes were bloodshot and sore. Her face burned from wiping the tears away so much. But that was just the physical pain. When she stepped into the bedroom she was so overwhelmed, she had to rush into the bathroom and she vomited several times. She laid on the cool tile floors until she got too cold. She slipped into one of his t-shirts and shuffled out to the couch. She couldn't sleep in their bed.

So that's why she was laying on the couch. She couldn't sleep in the bed that they had laid in just 12 hours ago, talking about their unborn baby.

Just as she shut her eyes, there was a knock at the door and then it swung open. She quickly sat up to see Alexis staring at her. The girl looked terrible. Make up was all over her face and her eyes were just as bloodshot as Kate's. Her hair was wild. Martha had told Kate she'd tell Alexis.

"This is all your fault." She said in almost a whisper.

Kate shook her head. "Alexis, no I-"

"You were supposed to be on desk duty." She growled. "So why the hell were you chasing down a suspect?!"

Kate sat, dumbfounded for a moment. She quickly scrambled to her feet and took a step toward the girl. "Alexis-"

"Is your damn job so important to you that you were willing to risk Dad's life for it?!"

Kate shook her head again. Before she could speak, Alexis continued.

"He wasn't just yours to lose, Kate. He was *my* dad. He was the baby's dad. He was Gram's son. Do you realize what you've done?"

Tears were falling down Kate's cheeks. She didn't know what to say.

"You'd think after dealing will losing your mom, you wouldn't do this to someone else, let alone your own child."

Kate wiped at her eyes furiously. "I didn't do this, Alexis. The guy wasn't supposed to have a gun."

"That doesn't matter you should've-"

This time it was Kate's turn to interrupt. "I didn't do this! It's not my fault that the guy had a gun!" She yelled at the girl. "I lost him too, okay?! I lost him." Her voice broke, but she went on. "And now I have to raise our baby alone. I...do you know how hard this is for me?! I'd do anything to have him back! I loved him!" She wipes at her eyes and stares at Alexis.

Something in the girl breaks and her cold demeanor crumbles and she starts sobbing. "I'm...so s-sorry, Kate." Before Kate knew

it, she was back on the couch with Alexis crying in her arms. She stroked her hair as her own tears continued to fall.

God, Castle. I'm so sorry.

* * *

**What did you think? Review maybe?**


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